For those of you who have been reading my blog for quite some time, or who have followed along with my journey through Instagram, you might have noticed a change last fall… something was missing on my left hand.
It’s taken me almost a year to write this post. Mainly because I wanted to be in the right mindset, before I would even try to find a way to begin. I also wanted to feel completely at peace with what happened, and know in my heart that I was truly okay with everything.
Quite a few of you have asked over this past year why my engagement ring isn’t seen in pictures anymore. I’ve always been a very private person when it comes to my personal life, and part of me wanted to keep this hidden. I’ve realized that in order to cope and overcome things that we’ve gone through that have hurt us, it’s important to shed light on them so that we can help others that have gone through or experienced that same pain.
When I first moved to New York last August, I was happily engaged to my college sweetheart. I had just landed an amazing job in Midtown, moved into my very own apartment on the Upper East Side, and was beginning to start my exciting adventure in NYC. I was nervous, thrilled, and looking towards the future.
A massive part of my future was my fiancé. Going on almost 8 years last year, we had spent the majority of our young adult lives together. Dreamed dreams together, and shared amazing and special moments together.
This all came to a stand still this time last year...
I remember the day as if it were just yesterday. I had woken up on a Sunday morning, and like any other morning I was slowly easing into my day. I picked up my phone to see if I had any missed text messages or phone calls… then proceeded to look at all of my apps - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. When I opened my Instagram, I noticed that a very long comment had been left on a picture of my fiancé and I. When I read the comment, my heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. I couldn’t breathe and I knew that the words I was reading were true.
I won’t go into further detail, but to make a long story short… I found out that day that my fiancé, whom I had loved and cared for and dreamed up a life with, had been unfaithful to me while he was living overseas during our period of long distance. It was quite possibly the most heartbreaking and difficult thing I've had to go through so far.
Please keep in mind, that this is not my way of shaming him for what he did. I have completely forgiven him, and truly understand the fact that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Since that happened last year, I have moved on and am incredibly happy with where I am in my life at the moment, and I completely wish him nothing but the best. I truly care for him as a person.
This is simply my story of overcoming and seeing the beauty in what it means to truly be happy. Regardless of how painful or heart wrenching a situation may be... I believe that there is always a reason behind everything that happens to us. It ultimately leads us to exactly where we are supposed to be.
My dream for a long period of time was centered around this man...marrying him, starting a life with him, being everything I could to him. So much so, that I lost my sense of self and who I was. I pushed my dreams aside to follow his, and forgot all that I had wanted to accomplish for myself.
Through this big heartbreak, it allowed me to remember what my real dream was, the true dream... the one that I’ve had all along since I was a little girl. The dream of making a life for myself, finding happiness, and doing this in the city that I've always wanted to call home. For that, I am incredibly grateful for having gone through this experience. I really believe that I wouldn't be where I am today, and wouldn't be the woman I am today without having gone through it.
Through my pain in that relationship ending, I began to find beauty in it and I was able to find myself again. I slowly started to learn how to truly love myself, and began to re-evaluate what I really wanted out of life. What made me happy, who I wanted as friends, what kind of career I wanted to pursue... all of those things that I think are crucial in helping to form the person that we become.
I truly believe that everything in this life happens for a reason, and at the time that it's happening, it doesn't always make sense to us. Sometimes we have a certain picture in our minds as to how we want our lives to unfold and we place massive amounts of pressure on ourselves to be at a certain point each year, with each new birthday, and amidst each new season.
There is beauty in the way that life unfolds, and each setback brings with it exciting new opportunities and doors that will be opened for us. We may not understand at the time why things happen the way that they do, but when we can finally look back on that and realize that it happened in order to bring us to a place of even bigger happiness and joy (more on that soon!)... it will be more than worth it in the end.